I figured I’d spare you all with my witty rants about how much of a pain in the ass life enjoys being for me, and decided to tell you more about myself. Today’s topic: my fears. I think you will find that the compiled list of some of my fears below is awkward, random and just plain weird. Most of them I can’t explain, but I would love to hear your comments. Enjoy.
1. Costumes on mannequins – Whether outfits from historic battles or fashion ensembles from a singer’s music tour, costumes on mannequins is my number one fear. I have no idea why but it creeps me out to no end. Needless to say I HATE the Hard Rock Café. Whenever I go there (I have been there twice), I need to sit as far away from the wall of costumes as possible. If I must be seated at a table next to the ledge, I need the outside seat. I think what gets me the most is that the clothing was actually worn by a living, breathing person at one point. Who knows.
2. Suits of Armor – Similar to the whole costumes on mannequins thing, suits of armor scare the shit out of me as well. Every time I go to the MET, I avoid walking through the armor room at all costs. The life-size metal men that sit atop horses covered in even more armor gives me the chills. I’m convinced that they will move. And the ones with the giant feathery plumes sticking out of their helmets? Forget it. When I visited England and Scotland, I had no way to escape the towers and dungeon rooms that housed multiple collections of these metal men. From the largest knight’s suit of armor (7 feet tall) to the smallest (about 2 1/2 feet tall), I couldn’t wait until the class moved back above ground on to the beheading block at the Tower of London. One day, they WILL move.
3. Black and White photos of ordinary people from the 1920s-1940s – Don’t ask me about the time frame, I just find that period most haunting. And it’s weird because I do love black and white photographs of many subjects and landscapes. Just not the ones full of people going on about their day and then there he is, some unknown man in a hat in the corner. Or the average family portraits where everyone has a blank stare on their face and no matter which way you move the picture, their eyes follow you. I think every picture tells a story, but it seems to me that the black and white images from the 20s-40s contain certain stories that don’t want to be told.
4. Bugs – I know this is a common fear among many but if it walks, crawls or flies, I hate it. All types. From spiders, beetles, and flies all the way to lightning bugs, lady bugs and butterflies, I hate them all. I’m convinced I have a sixth sense for bugs. They sense my fear. They know that they can evoke terror with the simplest of movements. They enjoy waiting for me to find them just so they can see the look of horror on my face as I run out of the room half-screaming, half-awake, or sometimes half-naked. When I am left alone with them (meaning that no one is around to kill them for me), I do the best I can. A flip-flop seems to work best. Thanks to the bugs not passing the message on to their friends that I don’t want them here, my ceiling now looks like Starry Night. Only I didn’t use paint to decorate it.
Stay tuned for more…
The Duchess of New York